Tuesday, April 30, 2002

This is something I wrote a little time back cause actually its snowing right now....

It's raining outside. I love it when it rains at night. I love you sit and watch it weigh the leaves of the trees down as it drips into puddles at their bases. Lightning flashes light up the sky beyond for a split second. Then it?s black again. Just like life. Watching the rain at night makes me think about mine. Thoughts of what I have been through, the people that have crossed my path and the ones that have stayed, flash in my mind. I remember a time when I thought everything would be wonderful and happen in a textbook fashion. Well, that didn't happen. All I dream of now is a place of my own with that special person next to me. Our elbows propped up on the windowsill as we stare out at the rainy night sky. I was once asked by my friends to give advice on marriage. I am not sure if they understood my response. I told them to find a soul mate not a husband or a wife. Wives and husbands you marry. Soul mates you spend your life with. I am not sure what I am trying to say. I guess it doesn't really matter. Nights like these bring out the things that get suppressed on a daily basis. I do a lot of suppressing. I can feel the cool breeze on my neck while I type. The light of people's windows in the darkness reminds me of Halloween. Ah, Halloween, one of my favorite holidays. You can become someone else and forget you life and who you are. Your costume reflecting more of your personality than you realize. More things will be changing soon. It's a nervous time. I wish I were a more confidant person. Things change. Comfort zones were not meant as permanent dwellings. The smell of wet grass and rain in the air is filling my room. As I take one deep breath I end this entry.